Erm..well..perhaps ytd nite is going to be the last time i m going to ever touch chinese instrument, perhaps it's not..well..will just leave it to god bah..actually, i noe that mr lee dun like me..n that it's hard for me to strive in an orchestra where the conductor dun like u..rite? Actually, i must say that part of it is my fault oso..coz it takes two hands to clap..i must admit that i do show him attitude sometimes..but this period of time, i have already changed le...i start to respect him more...coz in terms of experience in music, he is more senior than me..n in terms of age, well, that's needless to say bah..but i realised that he is more bias against me..dunno whether is i tink too much or what..but i dun tink is just my thinking bah..i noe that if i stay on, i will certainly dislike him and may even hate him..so y should i make life difficult for myself??? I told myself that i dun wanna hate or dislike anybody, n i noe that i should leave..besides, througout this week, what i have seen has utterly disappointed me..shouldnt realli mention what ..but is the actions of pple...their attitude, etc..realli felt veri disappointed..so even if i stay on, i dun tink i can be able to commit myself to it..furthermore, my church frens realli support my decision on quitting, so that i will have more time to serve god...nevertheless, i will still continue to keep in close contact wif frens in orchestra like li hua, wei ling, xiu ping, victoria, harison, etc..these pple have realli made me feel at hm in the orchestra, n i realli thank them for being there for me when i m down..thanks guys, muackz.. On the other hand, part of me is realli veri veri veri veri veri sad to have to give up orchestra..coz i have already been in orchestra for five yrs..five yrs le..throughout this period of time, i have been through competitions, growing from being just a nobody playing zhong sheng, to playing gao sheng, where i started to learn..n till now, where i m playing yang qin..not to mention my passion for dizi..but too bad i had no flaire in that..the skills that i have picked up during these five yrs were not realli easy for me..coz given my limited flair in music, i take a much longer time than other pple to pick up the skills...n well..now that i have to give it up..i realli feel that it's a waste..haiz..but somehow, we got to take and give rite? Without giving, we can nv take rite? I still remember last yr, i was oso quite sad after the spco concert..coz i thought it was the last time i was going to play sheng..but it turned out that it's not..but through last yr till now, i didnt prac much..n my skills dropped tremedously..which realli saddens me..so i was thinking, if i were to stop orchestra now, my skills for yang qin and sheng will drop further more..but what else can i do??? As u guys noe..i m a christian..n i nv regretted being one..dun mean to preach here...but i trust that my god will noe what's best for me..n i shall let him decide whether i shall stay or leave..but i somehow think that he wants me to leave..dun ask y..haha..coz lots of explaination stuff..for more info..pls call me..haha..just kidding..erm, so well..that's all that i wanna say bah..i tink ten yrs down the road, my passion for orchestra will still be there..but the skill level..haha..i dare not guarentee..haha..

Haha..ytd..long day siarz..went to sch at ard 1030..to organise my scores n other stuff..well..was not feeling too well..that sore throat was sticking to me stubbornly..haiz..then on top of that, not enuf slp.. coz the previous nite, reached hm at ard 12..then read bible, msg a few pple..wait for them to reply..then slept at 1 plus...haha..drained..then ytd concert, well..was fun...it was my first time playing yang qin for concert in spore..n well..most probably my last too..that's kinda sad..but well..haiz..throughout this week..all these things have made me come to a conclusion..n i tink it's the right choice bah..well..think i shall tok about that later..let me finish what i wanted to say lst..erm..then ytd nite..haha..actually didnt realli prac much..but i have already done my best..n well..haha..tink i m satisfied wif my own performance le bah...haha...shouldnt ask too much from myself..haha..then after performance, changed out of my uniform..then went hm wif huiting they all...this is the lst time, i go concert no need to help out in carrying instruments de..haha..then today, woke up at 8 plus to prac piano..then went to somerset to meet esther and wenli to go service..the songs sang during service today was realli quite ministering...couldnt stop myself from crying..think i m becoming more n more ger..remember that i dun use to tear as often as now de..but that means that i m getting more emotional..so is that supposed to be good or bad? Well..haha..i dunno..erm..next week..the mushroom gang are having outing..but the prob is..i oso not veri sure i can make it anot..coz got church camp but i forgot whether it starts on fri or sat..then besides, tue and wed, i got some talk...then everyday, i gotta work till 1pm..haiz..wondering how to get enuf slp..haha..so if u guys see me still online at 10pm..remind me to go slp k? Actually feeling quite guilty that this holiday, didnt spend much time wif the mushroom gang...must arrange my time better..so can spend more time wif frens..haha..tink i shall end here..then will blog later..abt some orchestra stuff..haha..

Coz i now nth to do...so might as well blog while i have the time..erm..let me see..what can i blog?? Erm..practically nth..haha..think i go friendster to write pple testimonial bah..haha..cya guys..hehe..=D

Haha...time realli flies man...last week..my exam just ended..n this week is oso coming to an end too..was realli quite busy these few days..then not at hm..so nv blog..anyway..now i oso not at hm..is at the library..coz doing evax(sth like a survey) but reached puntually at 10am..then nobody reached at...so went to library loh..haha..at least here got air con..the weather veri warm nowadays...tomolo...SPCO will be having our concert at Victoria concert hall..actually, this is my lst time playing yang qin for concert..realli quite nervous..partly becoz i didnt prac much...but anyway...i have done my best in making time out to prac le...actually i wanted to come earlier to prac at CO room de..but too bad co room not open...haiz...this week...lots have happened...n realli made me see lots of things..firstly, i would like to thank weiling, xiu ping and li hua..thanks guys, for helping out wif the folding of the booklets..i realli thank god for u guys to be there for me....besides, thanks ai fang, for guiding me thru how to play those songs for worship...haha..coz i realli veri blur de..thanks..n thanks joan, thanks for being there for me when i m troubled..lastly, i wanna thank u guys out there for being such great frens...btw WEILING...sorry lah..these few days a bit busier, that's y nt much time to tok or go out wif u...next week k?? Haha...erm...tonite still got CO prac..the last prac b4 tomolo's concert...guys work hard k??

Jus feeling so tired that i could just drop dead...life is realli meaningless when u are trapped..isnt it? Just like a bird, born wif wings to fly, but is being kept inside a cage...haiz...this week..spco prac...realli veri tiring..then my mom dun like me to come hm late at nite..then she kept nagging loh..realli getting on my nerves..then now that i m sick..she blames me for keep going out..diaoz..i realli dun understand loh..moreover, i have already been sick since two days after exams..n it's now tat she realises it...haha..so funny..-.-''..anyway..then my caregrp stuff is oso at nite de..n it clashes wif my co prac..what to do leh? I noe tat eventually, i will have to give up one of them..n if realli given the choice to chose, well, guys out there..u noe what i will chose between orchestra and church rite? Haha...well..haiz..realli cant bear to put down what i have chosen to let go..but it will be better rite? Coz, since i cant commit my time to it..then why waste their time? Perhaps i will go there when i have time...it realli breaks my heart to just give up this..but what choice do i have? The time that i have spent in orchestra was like...four days a week in the past..n throughout the yrs, i have learnt the skills of what is required..n given my limited intelligence and musical talent(if there is any) well, it's not easy to pick up the skills...n now, i just have to give up like that? Well..it's like have to learnt piano for 8 yrs..n one day i meet wif an accident n i can no longer play piano anymore...it's just kinda sad..isnt it? Well...i tink i shall have a tok wif ll today, if i manage to see her today bah..dunno whether going co anot..realli down wif a bad throat and headache..shucks...

Was on the fone just now, wif joan..coz i told her about my prob..regarding some stuff which i foresee greater problems wif..then she called n prayed for me over the fone..during the prayer, i can realli feel the love of god..n i couldnt stop myself from crying..i m realli touched by the love of god...if god wasnt the one and only real god, then what made Joan and other sisters and brothers to care for me like they are now? Through these persecutions, i didnt fall into a depressed state or become upset coz i noe that even when i face persecution from the whole world, lord will be there for me..n so will be my brothers and sisters..Joan...i realli thank god for sending u to help me up when i m down...amen!

Sometimes, it's kind of weird that y man will blame others when their life is down in dumps and forget to thank the pple when he is in his peak...isnt it well...weird? Actually, everything that happens in life is for a reason, regardless of good or bad...even if u r now feeling down in the dumps, dun start blaming pple or what...coz everything happens for a reason..from ur perspective, it may be a bad thing that had happened to u..but trust god, coz god always have a way wif planning ur life. Just like me..that veri day which i have decided to leave my previous church, i prayed to god, telling him that all my difficulties...n that veri day..within 3 hours, i meet esther...who was from HOpe Church Singapore..which is the church that i m attending now...the point that i m trying to bring across is that...trust in the lord..perhaps u are not a christian yet..but even so, when u r feeling down, pls dun give up on urself...=D...n when things are going well for u..do remember to thank that someone who contributed to ur sucess...=D

Well...ytd was the last day of exam...at first, i thought that i would be happy...well..part of me is happy..coz 6 weeks without having to study mah..but well, on the other hand, still have other stress oso..haha...life without stress wouldnt be life le bah..i guess...then ytd nite..was kinda upset..coz well..i realised tat after learning piano for so long, some parts are just as lousy..perhaps i didnt put in the effort to apply what i have learnt bah..well..haiz..just dunno what to say le lah...all i can do is to prac hard bah..i believe that there is nth which i cant play..it's a matter of how hard i try..n i will certainly try veri hard...today...went to have steamboat wif the mushroom gang..haha..didnt eat much..perhaps the stress is realli getting on me somehow...then realli not much appetite..but just as well lah..haha..then will slim down abit..haha..well..shall let lord handle all these bah..i noe that wif my strength alone, i can do nth...it's only wif god that i can do miracles..(guys out there who are not christians...i didnt mean to preach or anything...but this is exactly how i feel...) Will have a long day tomolo..haha..meanwhile..will try to release my stress somehow..haha..nitez..=D

Well...sometimes, there's just some things which i dun realli understand...well...anyway..didnt feel like bloggin about ytd...but ytd was realli a veri meaningful day for me..n that's another new chapter of my new life...realli happy ytd..but after which, something happened and sort of triggered my train of thoughts..n well...sometimes i dunno understand why some things have to be this way..n why is it that life isnt always smooth? I mean..perhaps even if it can be half as smooth? Sometimes, when there is something for me to be happy about, there will most probably be something that dampen my mood..well..haiz...i guess that's life bah..i tink i will go n slp now bah, no use thinking so much..nitez guys..

Haha...so excited today..coz gg for water baptism...haha...later gg out le...so actually, dun intend to study much today..luckily sorta finish studying for physio le bah..except havent learn to draw diagrams and mermorise that stupid nerve innervation pathway..then plus still got some things dunno..haha...shall go n study a bit more later..haha...well...realli thank god that i can finish it before i go for water bap..so that i wont be distracted then keep thinking about my studies stuff..haha..so happy today...wonderful day...even the sun seems to be brighter today....=D....guys out there...take care kies? Especially stella..haha...all the best for exams..=p

I tink i just flopped my microbio..haha..n tomolo..still got another bio paper...shucks...all about mermorising..haha...gonna kill lots of brain cells this time round..haiz..sometimes wonder if i had gone to NAFA..perhaps i wouldnt even have to study half as hard...n i will be doing something that will be of help wif my career in future...haiz..but i tink it's too late for regrets le rite? After all my yr one life is gonna be over soon...well...haiz....but i noe that lord will overlook me..in terms of studies and other stuff...so i shouldnt be that worried..but sometimes perhaps god do not want me to score that well?? Haha..i guess he has his reason for everything bah..n i will noe the reason one day...haha..now feeling so drained...then perhaps i gg back to study later again.. haha.. Ard 8 more days to end of exams...haha..YEA!!

Haha...well..was studying from morning till now..trying to squeeze every detail into that puny brain of mine...haha..was just tinking...arent christians supposed to observe sabbath on Sun?? Haha..but well, i tink studying isnt a form of working bah..haha..i tink at the rate i m going, i m either going to be brain dead or become insane..haha..if any of u kind souls out there happen to read my blog, help me reserve a place at the mental institution..k?? Haha..but well, may god bless all those who are studying wif the intelligence to study well and to be able to study smart, not only study hard...hehe...no matter how hard life is now, i believed that i can make thru it, coz god will bless me wif the perserverance...=D Erm...so let me see...what did i do ytd...well..basically, studying again...then went for service..but my attention span was quite short coz i was basically quite drained...n halfway thru the preaching, my mind was sorta drifting off..coz the pastor was toking about dun let studies or anything stop u from having a closer r/s wif god..so i was thinking about my doings bah..haha..shouldnt elaborate it here...haha..then after which, went for dinner...at S11...had western food, coz i thought i will study till 12 plus after i get hm...bt well, i was too tired le..then slept at 11...so i supposed the fats from the western food is now stored inside some part of my body...haiz..haha...erm..i tink i shall end here le bah..going to have lunch le...haha...god bless..!!~

Haiz...ytd i did blog once..but there was an error...stoopid blogspot...hmph..just when i wanted to say sth...then got error...haha..but anyway..ytd..was basically a stressful day..woundnt want to recall it now..but ytd...guess wat?? I finally plucked up whatever courage i have (n not that i m greedy..but i asked lord for more courage...haha..) and told my mom about the water baptism thingy..haha... n she just say..."ok loh.." Haha..thought she will give me a piece of her mind of dun learn bad from church..blah blah blah..haha..but realli thank god...=D...so this morning..i woke up..Esther msg me...gave me three choices for my baptism name...one was Helsa..or not kristen or jessie (Which means god's gift)...so i chosed jessie...haha...a bit gerly for me...haha...but afterall, i m a ger mah..haha...realli look forward to the water bap...but anyway...haha..thank god again..i managed to finish revision for mbio le...so perhaps later, i shall study few chp of anatomy before gg for service...haha..wonderful day...God bless...

Well..these few days..stuck in a dilemma...dunno whether want to go water baptism anot...but actually part of me realli want to go..but it's in the exam period...but well...now, the only prob is that i m afraid that my mom wont allow me to go..haha..but actually...i already dun need parents consent le..but it isnt nice to not tell my parents what i m doing rite? Haiz..so i guess i shall tell her later bah...ytd called lennon to ask him for his advice..well..he told me to go ahead wif it and tell my mom after that..haha..which i tink is not a good idea...so last nite...couldnt realli slp well..was tinking of a solution..then prayed to god..then studied one chapter of mbio...actually i noe that i shall let god handle my sch work...i noe that even if i go water baptism...which is during the exam period, it shall not affect my sch work, for god will bless me...well..i tink enuf toking..haha..i gotta rush to sch now...guys out there..study hard, and have a blessed weekend!!