Now at RWP lesson...quite tired..coz ytd nite worked on the microbio report till 12 plus...then this morning had to wake up at 6 plus..haha..then later still got that co performance...just now checked my cca points...the river raft performance still not updated yet..kaoz...erm...today still feeling a bit moody...shucks..well..things isnt going exactly veri well for me these days...ytd niet, while walking hm from the bus stop, i just realised sth..haha...guess what??? I realised that i m good at nth..haha..tink i shall stop bloggin le...have to start lesson soon...

Today...was quite a long day for me..had dr koh's physiology till 11 plus...as i slept rather late last nite..i didnt realli pay much attention...was half aslp..haha..getting more stressed le..coz studies realli getting tougher...if i dun start studying now..i will lag behind le..haha...then after dr koh's class, we went to the library wanting to book a project room..then i realised that i have forgotten to bring my admin card...end up i have to walk all the way to fc 1 to borrow admin card from guan kai...then after which i went to my gems at 3pm...was feeling quite guilty, coz i got some queries de..but was too lazy to ask..coz was feeling veri veri slpy...haha..then after sch...had something on...btw...haha..today, i finally learnt the meaning of 'Sclemn's canal' and 'Trabescular meshwork'...thx to dayne...coz she taught me de...haha..rite dayne?? Haha...well..i tink i shall end for today le bah...btw..haha..forgot something quite interesting....today...when i went to SPOC to return guan kai his admin card, guan kai they all were at the research room...then got that slit lamp..then guan kai showed me how that thing works..haha..then well...kena lame by ivan a few times..well...got used to it le..haha..tink i shall end here..go n do my gems stuff le..haha...tomolo is the chinese Valentimes day...well...will be another normal day for me...coz i m single..haha..but well...dun tink when i wake up tomolo, i will remember that 's chinese V. day le..haha..cya...

haha...was online then ivan sent me a link..saying that it's sth funny de..but hor..today stella and weiling were toking about ivan sending them a link..then is sth scary de..haha..so luckily kinloong was ard..so i asked him to take a look at it for me..n as i expected..it was what stella and weiling saw ytd..hah.a.thx kinloong...haha..then now..ivan sending me sth else..shit lah..y does he want to scare me when i m home alone...haha..

Now that i have seen the vulnerability of life, i realised that...well..one should cherish their life and do whatever they feel like doing. If u like a gal n is still hesitating whether to confess ur love to her, do it now..or else, who knows whether she will still be there the next min. If u had a quarrel wif ur fren and wants to apologise to him, do it now too..well..last yr n this yr had not been a good start...mani things happened, led to me seeing the vulnerability of life. Bless those that had died and may god bless all my frens ard me to stay happy and healthy...may god watch over them in heaven.. Actually, i believed that when a person dies, that means that god feels that he has learnt enuf during his experience on earth, and has moved on to a place where he continues to live wif god for eternity. Perhaps to live till a ripe age is not realli such a good thing too..coz ytd, i was doing CIP at an old folks home. The old folks there were realli quite pitiful..there were some who wanted to go hm coz they were all alone, no families ard them...just alone wif the other folks...so if u have old folks at hm, pls dun leave them in the old folks hm becoz even though they get the medical care, they do not get the love and warmth of a family, which is what they eventually want.

haha...just wanna announce that kinloong promised not to suan me today de...but he broke his promise a few minutes ago..haha...

When a GIRL is quiet, Millions of things are running in her mind. When a GIRL is not arguing, She is thinking deeply. When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions, She is wondering how long you will be around. When a GIRL answers "i'm fine" after a few seconds, She is not at all fine. When a GIRL stares at you, She is wondering why you are lying. When a GIRL lays on your chest, She is wishing for you to be hers forever. When a GIRL calls you everyday, She is seeking for your attention. When a GIRL wants to see you everyday, She wants to be pampered. When a GIRL sms's u everyday, She wants you to reply at least once. When a GIRL says I love you, She means it. When a GIRL says that she can't live without you, She has made up her mind that you are her future. When a GIRL says "i miss you", No one in this world can miss you more than that

Haha...when i suddenly feel like studying...guess what? The lights in my room fused..haiz..then didnt realli get to study much..now at RWP lesson...then dun realli look forward to lesson..haha..later still got microbio practical session..then after tat can go hm le...yea!! Haha..feel like a pig these few days...just feel like slping all day leh..haha..well..i gtg le...lesson starting..haha..cya...

while i was practising piano just now..i just cant help but kept thinking of what that particular fren commented about my skills...i noe that i shouldnt be intidimated by what he said..but well..i cant deny that his comments has somehow affected me..but in a way..i became more conscious of my playing..but on the other hand..i think that i m bringing on undue stress to myself..which shouldnt be the case..haha..but i noe that i shouldnt stress myself lah..no matter what i do..as long as i have done my best..i wont have any regrets... Btw...frens out there..i just wanna say sth..although this period of time..i realised that i have suan lots of pple..i mean no harm..hope that nobody took offence..realli love u guys...thx for being such great frens..muackz...

Happy v. day everyone..well..make it short and sweet..coz in a hurry..veri tired le..haha..just now..after sch..went to jurong point wif weiling, stella, dayne, ivan and wei kiat to watch movie..that 'i do i do'..haha..quite funny show..haha..then after that went hm...but well..didnt realli want to elaborate on what happened lah...coz nth much happened..haha..this is just another normal day for me..but during character development lesson today, that teacher let us see a movie..that is realli quite meaningful..was about a failed musician who later went to become a sch supervisor..then well..had lots of thoughts regarding that movie..realli set me thinking about what i want wif my life..well..i have thought about it le...i dun want fame or anything..i just want to make a difference in pple's life..i mean positive changes bah..having fame and fortune isnt what i realli want...but on the other hand...i felt that it's kind of contradicting..coz i was thinking of leaving co for good le..my thinking is that..well..after five yrs in co..not much accomplishment. Perhaps mr lee thinks i m not up to standard..or well..he rather give the chance to other pple. But either way..i know that he has his reasons..whether they are reasonable or not...well...actually i oso feel quite offended by what a fren said to me...shouldnt mention his name..And that same person commented that i do not express any feelings while i play piano...well..i already tried my best..n he still says tat..so i oso dunno whether to heed his advice or not..i must say that my playing is not perfect..n is just average bah..i suppose...but i m trying veri hard to juggle between piano..yang qin..sheng, studies, church and my frens...i onli have 24hrs..so how m i going to split my time? So..my decision is to leave..perhaps life will be a better place if i give up orchestra bah...in my opinion, it's a bottomless pit..no matter how much effort i put in it..i will nv accomplish much..not that i want fame..but i just want to reap what i sow..perhaps he dun feel that i deserve to reap anything..so if that's the case, i shall leave..end of story..so i think i shall start to mia in co le bah..haha..btw...i forgot to add that..nth's fair in life..sorry if this entry offends any of u out there...

well..today is the llth..this day used to be so ordinary..but since the day i was together wif him..it was a day that i realli anticipated..but that was in the past..now whenever this day arrives..my heart feel kind of heavy..i still can remember what he said to me that day..but well..it's over...

well..i seriously dunno what's wrong wif me..just now actually still in a good mood de..but now..well..i oso dunno what to say...somehow..in some ways...my mind was constantly tinking about him..just somewhere in my heart....he sits there..n crosses my mind..when i m nt wary...n i dun think i can take it anymore...i thought i was strong...but during this period of time..i realli dunno y i cant control my tears...even when i tink about my hamster..i do cry...just realli missed the past..but i have to get on wif life, dun i?? But how i wish..if i were to go back to the past, i will nv enter sp...actually..i entered sp for some reasons..which i dun tink anybody noe..i thought i had given up on that reason le...but well..sometimes..i just dun tink so..realli cant seem to understand myself...i dunno y...n my mind is in a twirl...but who cares? Well..dunno why i suddenly got so emotional..well..i dunno either...guess i shouldnt blog anymore..perhaps i should delete away this blog? Who noes? It may help me forget about those unhappy stuff?? Well...i dunno...

Well..was reading pei ru's blog just now..coz was feeling real bored and had nth much to do..so went ard reading pple's blog..then i saw one entry about being wif the woodwind clique de...well..in the past..i didnt realise that being wif that clique requires effort...i just enjoyed myself and had heaps of fun..but ever since after olevels, i realised that well..i m losing my place there bah...just somehow feel out of the place sometimes..perhaps i m still not making enuf effort..but somehow...things do change when time pass...n i m sad to say that this is one the things that have changed..but i sincerely believe that if i spend more time wif them..i can still savour our friendship..which is built up over the yrs...i nv blame anyone for making me feel left out..but well..i suppose..there are gains and loses...when i gain the friendship of those at spco..i lose some too..but i hope that there's a better situation than this..sat going mr lee house wif them...tink will be fun..is looking forward to it..haha...i believe that in this new yr..i can make things rite again..coz when u dream hard enuf..dreams do come true...nitez!!

haha..long time nv blog le..erm..shall start wif ytd...well..went to sch at 9am to meet weiling they all to do lab report..wah kao..so mani lab reports loh..haha..then havent revise sch work yet..then went to co room to prepare for performance..that performance at that tengal air base quite fun..haha..coz long time nv have that kind of small grp performance...actually being wif the spco pple..somehow reminded me of being with that cckssco pple when i was in sec sch...realli missed those times again..haha..but ytd was not a veri good nite for me lah..haha..didnt prac veri much..then played not so well..n the mike was near the yang qin...but luckily the environment was too noisy..dun tink can hear..haha..ytd nite..came back from the toilet in tengal airbase wif lihua..then saw lots of stars..so we go take a lot..saw the constellation, Orion...it was so bright and beautiful...sometimes..the sky at nite realli amazes me..wonder how did god ever create so mani things in 6 days...but seriously...the nite ytd was veri clear and the stars were veri bright...perhaps the place do not have any buildings to obstruct the stars..haha..then after performance ended, then went hm..on the way hm on that bus..kena lame by yz and steven...kao...haha..then by the time we reach the sch..was ard 10 plus le..then settle our instruments then went hm..was in a hurry to get hm to send weiling some things..so took mrt wif lihua, marleen, pei le they all...then change to lrt...on the way, was suddenly thinking about lots of things..well..i just wonder if i m fickle minded or are all girls likdat...coz..well..ytd trigger off some of my thoughts again..suddenly think about that someone whom i used to like...but...well..that was a yr ago le..so shant mention it..haha.. Erm..today..woke up at 7 plus...to do my lab report..then now finally finished le..but my msn cant log in..later going to chinatown wif my mom..haha...then can buy lots of goodies..yum yum..haha..but feeling a bit stressed leh..coz still got some sch work stuff havnt settle yet leh..haha..but how gives a heck? Just wanna enjoy my holidays..haha..i shall end here le..happy new yr..guys!!!

what is love??? here's the real answer.. For all you people who say, "I love you" when you have no clue what love is exactly!!! Something to ponder upon... Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and is your voice caught within your chest?? -It isn't love, it's LIKE. You can't keep your eyes or hands off of her/him - It isn't love, it's LUST. Are you proud, and eager to show her/him off?? - It isn't love, it's LUCK. Do you want her because you know she's/he's there?? - It isn't love, it's LONELINESS. Are you with her/him because it's what everyone wants?? It isn't love, it?s LOYALTY. Are you with her because she/he kissed you, or held your hand? It isn't love, it's LOW CONFIDENCE. Do you stay for her/him confessions of love, because you don't want to hurt her/him? It isn't love, it's PITY. Do you belong to her/him because the sight of her/him makes your heart skip a beat?? It isn't love, it's INFATUATION. Do you pardon her faults because you care about her/him? It isn't love, it's FRIENDSHIP. Do you tell her/him every day she is the only one you think of? It isn't love, it's a LIE. Are you willing to give up all of your favorite things for her sake? It isn't love, it's CHARITY. Does your heart ache and break when she's sad? Then it's LOVE. Do you cry for her/his pain, even when she's/he's strong? Then it's LOVE. Do her/his eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts? Then it's LOVE. Do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls you close and holds you to her/him? Then it's LOVE. Do you accept her/his faults because it's a part of who she/he is? Then it's LOVE. Are you attracted to others, but stay with her/him faithfully without regret?? Then it's LOVE. Would you give her/him your heart, your life, your death?? Then it's LOVE. Now, if love is painful, and tortures us so, why do we love? Why is it all we search for in life? This pain, this agony? Why is it all we long for? This torture, this powerful death of self? Why? The answer is so simple cause it's...LOVE. It is such an addictive thing that even people who are not having it wish to experience it and share it with others as well. Pass this to all your friends so they don't make the same mistake with their LOVE LIVES!! I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past... Love hurts our feeling, but it's also the reason our soul heal...

1. He willingly do anything and everything for his beloved...with sincerity, not coercion. 2. He constantly wants to humour his beloved and tends to be more talkative. 3. He tends to advise his beloved more as he truly loves her and wants her to be a better person. 4. He tries to restrict her freedom due to his overwhelming jealousy.. 5. He constantly fears losing his beloved. 6. He always monitors his beloved's movements as he feels insecure. 7. He hates the idea of other guys being close to his beloved. 8. He becomes jealous and sensitive when his beloved pays less attention to him. 9. He becomes the most hardworking person and helps his beloved to do anything and everything. 10. He becomes restless wen his beloved's away for too long. 11. He cares for his beloved more than he does himself. 12. He constantly asks if his beloved loves him as he feels his love is greater than his beloved's. 13. He would not be bothered with other gals who don't hold any importance to him. 14. He will try to spend a lot of time with his beloved even though he knows he'll end up waiting for his beloved. 15. He praises his beloved in front of others. 16. If his beloved leaves him, he can't trust any other gal and wishes for his beloved to come back to him. 17. When there is a third party, he loses his mind and is willing to do anything to fight to win. 18. He makes sure he ensures her safety at all times. 19. He is like a small kid who fights for constant attention from his beloved. 20. He treats his beloved as his most trusted one and is willing to sacrifice all of his wealth and even his life for her. 21. He keeps asking his beloved whether she loves him or not? ~It's not easy to find guys who would shed tears just for gals... So please treasure these guys...~

Today...woke up earlier to go bb..but realli not feeling veri well..then got that new song...not realli difficult but i tink i too long nv play sheng le..so didnt play well...come to tink of it..i think i will realli have to give up one instru..or i wouldnt be able to manage both de..well..for sheng..i tink that i will have no chance of showing my abilities..for yang qin..perhaps i still have a chance..but well..i prefer sheng better..afterall, tat is my five years of hard work...but well..that's y i duno what to do oso..hehe..tis period of time..i tink that didnt go co..got more time of my own..but hor..realised that had distanced frm those bbco pple le..but well..no choice mah...life is like a bus trip...so pple come into ur life at one of the stops and alight b4 the bus interchange..but some stay thruout the whole bus trip..frens come and go..not all will stay...but i believe that if i put in effort to spend more time wif my frens and the pple ard me...they will be able to alight the bus onli at the last stop...well..erm...ytd msg him..actually the day b4 had sort of a quarrel wif him..but well..shant mention it..it's realli kind of sad that we had to end up this way...but...what can we do? But i guess after so much reflection last nite..i have gotten over him le...n i hope that he will get over me too...there's realli no possibility that we can be together again...his parents told him to get a new gal and my mom told me nt to waste my time at these kind of r/s stuff...but i guess they are both rite...haha..so shant realli think about these le..btw ...my cold war wif my sis already ended le..haha..heng end liao..haha..well...i believe that as long as i try my best in the things that i do, i will suceed..however...sometimes, that's just not the case bah..but i believe that god knows what he wants me to do..n everything that has happened in my life..is meticulously planned out by him... I actually wanted to go out wif ht they all to bugis..to buy new yr clothes de..but then..after piano lesson today..realised that i still got tons of work undone..so decided to stay at hm to complete my stuff...coz new yr coming soon..then sure no time to study and complete my reports de..haha..while bloggin now...i listening to tat song 'First Love'...realli veri nice song...n veri meaningful to me too..realli brings back alot of the memories in the past...but somehow..the past is already the past..but i m glad that it has formed part of my mermory...well..dunno what i m toking about le..haha..i tink i better get back to work le..to poly frens out there...HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!! Take care...muackz...

Actually..i feel that i m turning into an introvert..coz..i have got absolutely no one to tok to when i m at hm..well..perhaps that's y i like to blog bah...this is the onli place where i can share my troubles...but well..while bloggin..i seem to be just toking to myself..i tink i will end here bah..nitez everyone...

That previous post wasnt refering to my sis..though i had a quarrel wif her..n she's not making life any easy for me..but well..who cares...i seem to be living on my own...although my family are wif me...but somehow...they return hm late every nite..n i just cant help but feel lonely..perhaps this is the way which god is training me to be independent bah..coz after ytd...i was thinking..after getting my diploma in poly..i will work for ard two yrs before going overseas to study music...perhaps vienna if i have the money...or not some places like Australia? Well..i dunno...but i m determined to get my own place n live alone..since my life now dun seem to make much of a difference from living alone. I noe that my parents will be sad..but i just cant help but want some space of my own.. Afterall..living together but not even have dinner together once a mth..is just like not living together loh..so what's the point? Well..i tink i shall not mention these anymore..all these just pain my heart.. and well..just to add on to these..there's this someone out there..who seems to be hurting me far more than the rest by what he says...well..that's too bad..i have been hurt by so mani pple..so mani times..so...well..what can i say?

Guess what? I hate u...

haiz...slept for ard 10 hours last nite..but didnt slp veri well..at 10 plus, my mom came back hm from work...saw me sleeping wif my sweater on despite the hot weather..then woke me up to take off my sweater..then after that...at 11 plus... somebody called to ask me some things loh...then that person..well..i shall not mention who...asked me whether i slept le..haha..i mean..at 1130 ..for an early sleeper like me..what can i be doing except slping? Haha..anyway..after that..had a peaceful slp till 7 plus in the morning..was having a headache..then had flu and was nt in the mood to go sch..but reluctantly, i went out..on the way to the bus stop..i decided nt to go sch le..coz dun tink i can make it to sch alive..haha...then went back hm..had breakfast..then actually wanted to study my optics de..then later realised that my mind wasnt in right condition to study..then went to see doc...at the doc..that receptionist veri funny de loh..she asked me questions while i was having a thermometer in my mouth..so i took it out to answer her loh..then she told me not to take out my thermometer...haha..anyway..i had two days of mc...yea!! But i tink i gg back to sch tomolo le..i m pretty worried that i cant catch up wif my sch work..haha..but who worries? Haha...i have got a whole week next week to study..hehe..slept for half the afternoon..think i better go study my optics later..or nt fri i will die le..haha..erm..this period of time..the weather not veri good..guys out there..take good care of urself worz..dun fall sick le...take care..=p